alone..
I seem to be going to the hospital more often nowadays. Am i sick? Mom says that it is just for checkups to make sure that my body is healthy. Today was weird, I had to take an injection at the arm, and both my parents and the nurses kept reassuring me that the pain would be over in just a short while, asking me to be brave and bear with it. But when the needle entered my arm, it was not painful at all, more like an ant bite compared to what my parents were saying.
For the past few days, mom and dad have been making me do unusual things. They bring me to the doctors, and i have to talk to him for an hour everyday. He tells me what to say when people ask me common questions, to smile back when people smile at me, how I must always think that people are there to make friends with me, not to stab me behind my back whilst I'm not looking. I don't understand what he is trying to tell me. Why does he want to make me be someone that I'm not? I don't like to smile at people. I definitely do NOT think that they are trying to befriend me when they talk to me. Nobody even cares about me in this world. They do not understand me, as I do not understand them.
I will not smile at people or have a template of what sentences to reply people when they make conversations with me. Why is it that I have to smile and answer 'Fine thank you, and how are you today?" when people smile and ask me "Hi, how 's life?". Why can't I just nod my head and walk away? Does everyone have to go for this kind of lessons with the doctor or is it just me? Why WHY?? Why is it always me. Am I that abnormal in everyone's eyes? Maybe I should just give up and stop even trying to attempt to have friends or even communicating at all. That would make everyone shut up about me.
Something must be going on for sure. Everyday, I have to take horrible medicines and pills that my mom say would be good for my body. I don't want to eat them. Only sick people take medicine, but I'm not sick. The worst part is, whenever I do head banging, or start biting myself when I feel happy or upset, mom would make me eat pills again, which makes me not want to head-bang anymore. I like biting and head-banging, why does she not let me do it? I especially do not like the pills that make me stop doing the things I like.
Stop controlling my life anymore. I want to live like how I am, you will see that I'm really not sick like you all think I am